Benedict Sparkel and the Bucket list

The story behind the name

Excerpt from Chapter 4

One of the wardens, who mostly worked nights and often patrolled the area, was a big, bloated, hairy bloke with protruding teeth and a grey moustache. Bucky, the inmates called him. He was also nosy, priding himself on knowing what the inmates were up to. One day he stuck his head over my shoulder, reading with interest what I’d written in bold type on my iPad. A real sarcastic bastard – before he’d even uttered a word, it was clear he planned to ridicule me.

‘Your list… It’s called the Fuck It! List, right? ’Yep,’ I replied. ‘Just like in the movie, “The Bucket List”. Things to do before I die. Only, this is the Fuck It! List, and it comes with a twist. My list is a list of betrayers. Those I intend to get even with. Those on whom I intend to take my revenge.’

Bucky stared at me like I’d gone stark raving mad. Then he began laughing hysterically, spraying spit all over my face. ‘You are one mad fucker,’ he said.

I caught his gaze before speaking, my tone cold and calculating. ‘We all need to do things before we die. Settle the account. Take out a bastard or two.’

His laughter turned to something akin to apprehension. I could almost see his mind ticking over – Is this species venomous or harmless? In a world where snakes are plentiful, it is sometimes difficult to tell.

Excerpt from Chapter 5

Around that time, I was in an internet café, curious to know how people had reacted to my YouTube upload, ‘A Shot in the Park’. I was pleased to see that the footage had attracted a lot of interest. From the comments, it appeared as though many people assumed it had been staged (imagine the logistics of actually staging a scene like that). One comment in particular had my interest. Alongside a caricature of a man asleep on stage, a caption read – Excellent money to be paid for brave work like this. If interested contact Mr Twinkel.

Mr Twinkel! What a peculiar name. The site was easy enough to find. The homepage contained the same caricature asleep on stage, with a universe of stars flickering in the background. In the corner of the screen was an image of Van Gogh’s ‘The Starry Night’. The site was popular, but the content was not what the name suggested. It was what could best be described as soft porn. There was also an international dating section.

Why was this Mr Twinkel interested in me? Perhaps he was branching out – horizontal integration. To sign in, a name and password was required. A clothing brochure that somebody had left behind sat on the computer desk before me. I scanned the document. One of the words, sparkle, caught my eye. It was in a similar vein to Twinkel. Another word, Benedict (a clothing brand), seemed to sit well with sparkle. Swapping the last two letters, I signed on as Benedict Sparkel.

The moment I did so, a spotlight came on, illuminating the caricature. The man began yawning and stretching out. He got to his feet. Dressed in tight white jeans and a colourful shirt, both laced with diamonds, he had long red hair and wore a glistening gold chain around his neck. He adopted a dancer’s poise and proceeded to perform a folk dance which, at a guess, was Germanic in origin. As he danced, comments about his performance were posted. A real showman, this one. Mr Twinkel is both alluring and eye-catching. Must be a gym junkie. When Mr Twinkel finished his dance, he bowed and spoke in an assured manner. ‘Mr Twinkel, at your service.’

His eyes were mesmerising. I experienced an eerie feeling as he stared back at me from the screen. I’m intrigued, I typed. But I don’t see what your service can provide for the likes of me. On the screen, a video began to play. It took me a moment to recognise what I was watching. It was the footage I’d uploaded on YouTube, ‘A Shot in the Park’, but the visuals had been enhanced. Music – at a guess, a Dr Dre remix – accompanied the visuals. I was astonished at the quality. The amateur footage I’d taken from my balcony had been turned into a professional production.